Aug. 31, 2023—Great listening is a skill anyone can—and should—learn. Becoming a great listener can deepen your relationships, help you avoid misunderstandings and allow you to better support people during difficult times.
To improve your listening skills, try these tips from HelpGuide and the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs.
Stay focused on the other person. Avoid checking your phone, looking away or being otherwise distracted. Don't interrupt. Save your thoughts and advice for after you've heard the full story. Remember, truly listening is different from just waiting for your turn to talk.
Show interest. Nod your head, smile, and keep your posture open and inviting. Offer small comments like "yes" or "uh huh" to encourage the person to keep talking.
Pay attention to nonverbal signals. The speaker's body language, facial expressions and tone of voice can all help you better understand their feelings.
Offer support. Most people who share a problem or traumatic story want support, not for someone to "fix" things. Tell them you're sad they went through the situation and communicate that their feelings about it aren't wrong.
Give them time. This is especially important if the person is telling a traumatic story. Instead of changing the topic, be an active listener to let the story come out in its own time. Try saying things like, "There's no rush" or "I'll sit with you as long as you need me to."
Provide feedback. Clarify things by paraphrasing what the person has said and reflecting it back. This is especially useful if you're having a disagreement or disconnect. Use phrases like, "What I'm hearing is…" or "Sounds like you are saying…." If something the person has said isn't clear, ask questions like, "What do you mean when you say…" or "Is this what you mean?"
More ideas for strengthening social ties
Honing your listening skills is one great way to improve your relationships—here are some other ideas.
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